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What do cows do for entertainment?



They go to the moo-vies.






What is a puppy's favourite school subject?








Where do sheep go for a haircut?



To the baa-baa's shop.





How do bees go to town?



They wait at the buzz-stop!





How many dance teachers does it take to change a light-bulb?



... Five, six, seven, eight.





What is a Spice Girl's favourite meal?



Egg-fried Spice!





What's the difference between head teachers and toffees?



Kids like toffees !





What do you give a poorly pig?








How did the Vikings send secret messages?



They used Norse Code.





Who is the poorest cowboy?



Skint Eastwood.





What does Santa do in his garden?



Hoe, hoe, hoe!





Did you hear about the robbery at Disneyland?  The police have charged a man with taking the Mickey.






How does the man in the Moon cut his hair?



E-clipse it.





Two fishermen were out sailing when one of them spotted a hand rising out of the sea.

"Look over there!" he shouted to his friend, "There's someone drowning!"

"Don't be silly!" replied his friend, "That's just a little wave."






What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?



Hot cross bunnies!





What is a porcupine's favourite food?



Prickled onions.





What is a cow's favourite party-game?



Moo-sical chairs.





What did the frog order to go with his burger?



French flies and a diet croak.





When musicians die, do they decompose?






What is Guy Fawkes' favourite meal?



Bangers and mash.





What has got lots of legs and smells nice?



A scent-ipede!





What is red, flies and wobbles?



A jelly-copter.





Where do aliens go for a drink?



To a Mars Bar.





What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?



A woolly jumper.





What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?








What did the lady fire-fighter get for Christmas?



A ladder in her stocking.





What is long and brown and sticky?



A stick!






Why did the cross-eyed teacher get the sack?



Because he couldn't control his pupils.





Why do elephants go swimming in twos?



Because they need a pair of trunks.





If you want to teach a budgie to talk, why should you knock its teeth out?



Because then it's sure to suck seed (succeed).





Who wears red pants and tastes of tomato?








Where can rabbits learn to fly?



In the Hare Force.





Why won't cannibals eat clowns?



Because they taste funny.





Noticing one of her pupils making faces at the other children in the playground, Miss Smith told him,

"Billy, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, the wind might change and I would stay like that."

Looking up at her,  Billy replied sadly, "Well, Miss, you can't say you weren't warned."






What do you call a fairy who never has a bath?








What do you call a vampire in a raincoat?








How much do pirates pay for their ear-rings?



A buccaneer.





What do sheep do on sunny days?



Have a baa-baa-cue.





What do you call a cat with eight legs?



An Octo-puss





What do you call a gorilla with a machine-gun?








What do you call an elephant witch doctor?



Mumbo Jumbo